Stinkfoot Suri is a little hot mess. You KNOW Tom dressed her....

Poor Stinkfoot.

We can all tell by the smug look on Tom Cruise-y's face that he dressed Suri from his goody closet. And Katie's pissed. Stinkfoot Suri even fits into Tommy Girl's shoes now...but he should've consulted with Tim Gunn or Christian Siriano about this get-up. Polka-dotted shoes and Tom's Oscar gown? It's a bit of a hot mess, and over-accessorized. The earrings need to go back in the closet. 

Make your own jokes.

 

Yet another scary picture of Miss Tom Cruise and Stinkfoot

Tom Cruise scares the living daylights out of me.

Here's our favorite Scientolo-nut with his daughter, Suri (I'm assuming she's not wearing tights or socks with her heels, but I don't have photographic proof), having a treat at Modern Pastry in NYC...a-bloody-gain.  I think they feed this child pastries for all three meals.

Does it appear Cruise-y had more plastic surgery, or is it just me?

Suri!! Stinkfoot in the rain...Check. Out. The. Shoes.

 Whooopsie!

I see Suri's mama is wearin' BOOTS.

 

My darling Annette sent me this bit of ridiculousness and has officially dubbed Stinkfoot a "Fashion Icon" because she puts style over comfort, like all women eventually do. OhdearLord. She's three years old and has a $3 million wardrobe. I, on the other hand, have officially dubbed Stinkfoot a spoiled brat whose Daddy likes to dress up dollies.

Patrick, who is sitting next to me loves Katie and Tom and Suri, and is forever telling me to, "LEAVE THAT BABY ALONE". No. I won't.  

It's called tights, a hat and rubber boots for all of you haven't heard how to take proper care of a three year old little girl.

THANKS, ANNETTE!!

Stinkfoot Suri - "What's Wrong With This Picture?" Edition

Whatever Stinkfoot wants...

Take a good look at this photo...I'll wait.

Okay. Here we have yet another chilly fall season upon us, and the parents of Stinkfoot Suri Cruise refuse to put socks or tights or a GD coat on that child. Now listen. I understand that she probably screams louder than a pissed off cockatoo when ASKED (not told) to put on a sweater.

Check out all of the full-grown dudes in coats and sweaters--and her mom, DeadEye Katie is in jeans, boots, long sleeves, a scarf and a nice hot cup of barley coffee. But there's Stinkfoot in a flimsy little summer dress and her little designer pumps with bare legs in BOSTON, where it was around 45 degrees on Sunday.

Oh, but I forgot. Suri is millions of Xenu years old and actually has a say in her upbringing. I'm going to say it now: Suri Cruise is becoming a little monster right before our eyes. 

Stinkfoot Suri Cruise is getting on my last nerve.

Really? Stinkfoot drinks Pelligrino??

 

Get.That.Germ-ridden.Child.OFF.THE.GD.COUNTER!

Ya know what? There are a MILLION other things I should be writing about at this hour. But, no. I have to get a glimpse of this spoiled rotten child who is seriously setting my hair on fire.

I let it GO this week when I heard Suri Cruise has a wardrobe worth THREE MILLION DOLLARS. Oh, you heard me. If a designer doesn't happen to even have a children's collection, Tom and DeadEye Katie will MAKE them have a children's collection. Oh, yes they will. So this 3-year old brat in the making (oh YOU want to say the SAME THING, don't lie), is wearing Burberry, Prada, Chanel, and tiny Christian Louboutin shoes.

Why do I feel like Tom loves these little dresses every bit as much as Katie loves spending the money for said dresses? We know why.

All I know is, Stinkfoot is now drinking Pellegrino water WHILE STILL BEING EFFING CARRIED BY HER PARENTS. 

Goddamnit. I'm so mad right now, you don't even KNOW. 

 

Breaking News: Stinkfoot Suri walks; Daddy Tom Cruise's pants are too tight!

Stinkfoot clearly borrowed Dad's

Cherry Chapstick 

 

Ummmm...gawd, Tom

What the goddamnhell is Tom Cruise wearing? I'd say a padded bra, first of all. Let's discuss the skinny jeans he clearly bought Forever Hoochie 21 in the Petite's Department.  I didn't know that Nike made old-school hightops with lifts, did you?

And it seems Stinkfoot is now able to walk on her own...and she's running for it. 

RUN SURI, RUN!!